Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
