a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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