cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
