Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
