Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
try to milk me bitch
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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