they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
