My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
