I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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