So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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