things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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