i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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