The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
