just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
