you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
