I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
