just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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