drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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