I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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