she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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