just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
