i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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