grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
