So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
