just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
that is very illegal...i love you.
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