I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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