i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
