Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
