No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
