K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone came in the potted fern
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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