I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
