eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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