She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
