Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
