Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
