Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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