I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
