dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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