I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
