When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
