i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
