Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Everyone says I win the strip club
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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