piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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