Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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