I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bring me that man meat
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
