we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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