I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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