I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
