she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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