so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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