So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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