just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
