Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
