i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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