I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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