I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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