Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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