i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
