Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
