You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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