So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
