it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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