so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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