i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize