watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
