I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
