So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
