We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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