I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
