two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
