**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
wow bdsm is so cute
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