New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
