shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
