Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The best revenge is premature balding
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
