I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
