Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
