he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
