youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
