Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
