True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
