THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
