I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
